Do I tell them everything? Do I tell them how this came about? how much detail do I give? Do I tell them to read my blog? do they know I have a blog? maybe I should tell them I have a blog. It's kinda an untapped group of people who know me and love me and support me... but do they really know me? Do you guys know more about me than some of the people at church? I hate to even say this, but yes.
Now of course the people at church know we desire to have babies, after you've been married for 13 years and there are no babies, people start to wonder and ask questions... I know they pray for us, and hope with us... but I'm not sure they know the extent of our journey. Do I want to share that? Is it easier to share with you guys than it is with people who see my face weekly? In all honesty, yes.
and in the midst of my mini (because I have had much bigger) freak out, this is what I hear... "be still & know.... be still. Be still and know that I am God... just be still..."
Is this the moment He turns my mess into a message? Is this the moment that I step out? That I become ... alive? real? I've shared my heart one on one with people I know, I've shared face to face with people I fully trust, and I've shared with people whose hearts are also broken, or mending... Maybe Sunday is the day things change. Maybe Sunday is the day my church family will really see my heart, truly unveiled for the first time... Maybe Sunday my mess of a message will help someone else's hurts... maybe... but until then I am going to try to live in these words... Be still and know that I am God.
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