Life. This is it folks!

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. It's what happens between dinner and the dishes. It is dinner and the dishes. Life is exactly this. It is what you are doing at this exact moment. It's the stuff that fills up the cracks, the time, the moments wasted and the moments utilized in the most spectacular way. It is the tension of am I doing enough and I am doing too much- it's the fine line between the decision to stay or go. It is every waking moment and every minute of shut eye. This is it. This is life.

How are you spending your life? are you planning it? are you waiting for it to start?  are you embracing it- every teeny tiny minuscule moment of it?

my egg... apparently I grow'em perfect <3

While we were going through fertility treatments it was all about getting ready for life to start, hoping, planning, dreaming into the future- and those moments of planning and hoping are all part of it... when we hit our fourth round (yup 4) of IVF, I was in a different place, I could enjoy them moments, I could breathe through the uncomfortable, cherish the tears, and find joy in the journey. We got to see some of the most spectacular things, we learned how my body worked, I got to see my eggs- now you get to see it :) You are welcome. Not many people have seen this... this photo carried so much hope, so much love, and so many prayers. I have an influx of emotions as I'm writing this, looking at this photo. It is transporting me back to a different time in my life... and it is those times, the laughter, the tears, the nothings,  that all make up life.

Life is what happens between coffee and wine. It's what happens between the moment your eyes open in the morning, and the next time your eyes open... it is all around you, are you recognizing it? or are you waiting for it to happen? This is it folks. The one amazing thing about life, is that we have the ability to make it what we want... no we cannot opt out of tragedy, or pain, or floods of emotions that take us by storm, but we can choose to rejoice through it all knowing that this is the life. It is the unfinished quilt in my basement, it is the finished painting hanging in your home, it is the sudden loss, it is the unexpected news, it is mowing the lawn, it is coffee with a friend... it is all around you, are you living it?

Share the love,
M.

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Figuring it out...

As we get older holidays become more complicated, especially you have time to think about them. This year I am excited, we are going home to my mom's for Christmas and I can't wait. It's an interesting time, because I know I have high hopes of going and feeling Christmas like I used to, but I also know that it will never feel like it used to- am I setting myself up for failure? (I've got a plan for that too... My Merry Christmas List ) 

Sometimes it is hard adulting when you don't actually ever feel like the adult in the room. The Hubby and I have no kids, not for lack of trying, praying, bargaining, etc... you can read all about that story here: Why I do what I do! ) But when you don't have children, you are still the children- we don't have little people running around the house needing us, we aren't required to have a set dinner time, toast at 8pm while binge watching Netflix is actually not a 'no no'. When you've got kids, you've got other responsibilities... at the moment, the only things I need to keep alive are my Hubby (and generally he can forage for himself), Timothy the Dog, and a few house plants... So Christmas here is a little different. 

I have this belief that when you reach a certain age, most couples have children to relive the wonder through their eyes...  Christmas time is especially difficult for me... Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, I love everything about it, but I've always got this underlying sadness that I just can't seem to shake...

I have to guard myself agains falling into a season of despair and frustration, because that makes me no fun for anyone around the holidays... 

I love this song by Third Day, and I try to keep it in mind... the feelings that I feel are not unique- other's may feel this way too. I never quite understood how the holidays could be hard on people when I was younger, my how the years can you teach you all sorts of things... now I get it... now I understand. But now I also know that I need to focus on gratitude... focus on the beauty, focus on the hope...focus on Jesus... the true meaning of Christmas...  

Although I want to feel Christmas like it used to be... I know- it is probably not possible... but one certainly can hope... and hope I do.

I want to feel Christmas, how it used to be
With all of its wonder falling on me
This season has felt so empty, oh, for quite a while
I want to feel Christmas like a child

I want to see snowflakes fall to the ground
My brothers and sisters all gathered around
Singing, "Away In A Manager" as we sit by the fire
I want to feel Christmas like a child

It's been so long now, I can't say
Just when I lost my way

But I'm going back to how it was

When this day meant everything
And we spent our time remembering
The baby Child born for us

It's all about Jesus
Asleep in the straw
This infant, this King
This Savior for all

So I don't need bells to be ringing
'Cause I'll join with angels singing, Gloria
And I can feel Christmas like a child

(Third Day Music)

How do you cope with Christmas? Do you find yourself reminiscing? For those of you who have Children, do you get to live that wonder through their experiences? Through their eyes? 

Share the love, 

M.

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A Thrill of Hope the weary world REJOICES !
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Find Joy In the Journey

Sometimes this is easier said than done, ok, this is always easier said than done... lately I have been having a bit of a hard time on Instagram. Seriously, everyone I follow is all of a sudden adding either adoption photos, baby bump photos, or new baby photos. I love it and I hate it.  It's exciting because babies are always a miracle, and it's sad, because I'd like to have my miracle. So I find myself wallowing a little, looking for joy in the journey. Our journey is very different than some of yours, and very similar to some of yours... So how do I find joy in the journey?

Well... I refocus, and then refocus again, and then refocus again...

Here is an update on what is keeping me focused outward:

• The orphanage that we were hoping to go to has officially asked up when we'd like to come. We are working with them to find a time that will work for both parties.  Four weeks is a long time, and yet, it doesn't seem long enough.

• We are working on raising funds to help us be able to go and volunteer with these children for that time.

• I am so busy with graphic work, and art, that I feel overwhelmed, but then I refocus, this is the stuff that is allowing us to go on our Living Life On Purpose 2015 Journey. 

So I guess I'm choosing to find joy in the journey. This is such a weird place to be stuck in, in life. If I could say one thing about this fertility journey, it would be:

...look outside of yourself, don't focus inward, focus upward... focusing on the one thing we don't have is debilitating. Focusing on the Joy in the journey is refreshing, and life giving and life changing. 

How are you finding Joy in your journey?

Share the love,
M.

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