But wait, is it my job to worry? NO. It's my job to trust. Trust is my word for the year, I should have known that if trust was my word for the year- the year was going to require a lot of trust.
Yesterday we got some unsettling news about timing and taxes yay! wooot hoot- ain't that a peach. I expected not to sleep. I was expecting stress in my shoulders and a few crazy conversations with the hubby resulting in me freaking out. But you know what? I changed my thoughts, I put on some music, I settled in my heart- this is not for me to worry about. I broke it down to figure out exactly what I ought to be worrying about and I realized- nothing. I had no part, I was just along for the ride and where ever the ride takes us, we will go. I slept like a baby- my heart had never been less troubled.
Now, generally I sleep well enough until about 5 am... Duy (my hubby) goes swimming in the mornings at 5. It is dark, the pool is not lit, there is no one around. I worry. I toss and turn from 5 to 5:45 or so, until Duy waltzes back through the door, and then I relax.
Now what exactly do I worry about? I worry that there will be a poisonous snake in the water that will bite him, reality, our pool is on the 5th floor, we live in a concrete jungle, and there will be no snakes in the pool unless an eagle flies over and deposits his lunch in our pool just because.
I worry that Duy will hit his head on the side of the pool and drown, reality, Duy doesn't swim at the speed of a rushing torpedo, Duy is not blind, he wears goggles, and he can navigate the approach leading up to the pool wall.
I worry that he will get struck by lightening, reality, if he gets in the pool when it is raining at 5 am, lightening will be the least of our worries- I will kill him- joking! But guess what? This morning, Duy sets off for the pool, I shout out my usual "I love you, Have fun, be safe" statement and then Zzzzz. Sound asleep, I woke up to him unlocking the front door.
I had slept, in perfect peace. God you've got this.
So I've come to learn that 99% of the time I am worrying about things that can't possibly even come true. My imagination has the ability to make situations larger than life. I know this. I can usually calm myself down, I can break the situation down into bite sized chunks of nonsense... and yet I still have the ability to convince myself that there is danger. Guys, we don't have children yet, I can only imagine how mom's worry.
Sharing all of these thoughts with my mother, as she tries to stifle her giggles because she knows me. She knows, I'm the child who had to get out of the bathtub RIGHT NOW (!), because I was about to be eaten by a shark. I can still feel my heart beating fast when I think about it. The shark in my tub? Oh it was the facecloth, at the faucet end of the tub bobbing up and down in the splashing-ya... I'm that child.
Yesterday I showed my mom this print, and her wise words were... "Practice what you preach kid..." (she added an 'lol' and a cutesy heart).
So here I am practicing what I preach, I know, that I know, that I know I am not in control! Why is it so hard to get through my head, maybe I'm a little hard headed. I'm hoping I can learn it sooner rather than later. Until then, I will be making myself reminders and sharing them with you.
I will be letting the anxious thought cross my mind, then I will break it down, I will define my part in the worrying- which is usually nil, but I will still define it, then I will let it go, and let God. Because who am I to worry about the future?
(Matt 6:34, Prov. 3: 5-6, Phil 4:6-7&8, 1 Peter 5:7 , Luke 12:26)
Do you find you worry about things out of your control? Do you fret about unrealistic situations? Does your heart get troubled? You are not alone... Cast your cares on Him...
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Do not let your hearts be troubled John 14:1
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