Empty house... happy heart.

Wow, who would have thought that emptying out our home and packing up would feel right? Of course there is anxiety, and stress... but there is so much happiness too. Our lives are not what we would have planned... this jet set kinda life isn't what we thought we would be doing, we thought we would be raising tiny humans to be highly functioning members of society... but alas, we are just raising ourselves and are somewhat functioning members of society- and more so somedays than others!

It's really funny, when I shared with my Dad we were headed overseas for two years, he made a very remarkable statement... it took me a little while to get my head wrapped around it, and make it part of my own philosophy. He said "Miss, you don't have kids... you don't need to live your life as though you do. There is no reason for you to have the house, the two cars, the close to school proximity, the backyard... you don't need any of that, unless that is what you guys want. You're living your life as though you are tied to it... you aren't. You and Duy have freedoms that others don't have... you also have loss that others don't have... But whatever you do, don't get stuck living your lives for someone else... or, for Pete's sake,  don't live it because that's what you think is expected of you... live it for yourselves..."

It took me a long time to think about this, to really embrace it. Is this selfish? Can we actually live our lives for ourselves and not be idiots? We don't have children, not because we don't want children, but because at this time-it's not happening (you can read more about our fertility issues here: Why I do -what I do! ) But what is happening is an opportunity that perhaps we would not have had, if we had children. I'm not saying our lives our better or worse... they are just different... and that is ok...  It took me awhile to learn that living our lives for ourselves did not mean selfish at all... Duy and I are consciously living our lives on purpose, what should we be doing, what are we called to do, where are we called...  How will we give when we arrive... after mulling this over... I realized that living our lives for ourselves, didn't actually mean selfish at all, it meant honouring what God has placed in our lives, and living it for Him, no matter where we were or what came across our path...

So looking around this empty house, my heart breaks a little... there is no pitter patter of tiny feet, no baby toys, no backpacks and sneakers at the door... but there are boxes... boxes that hold the past adventures of our lives, and hopes and dreams and expectations of future adventures, together with the man I love. The man who has stood by me through thick and thin, loved me through chubby days, skinny days, and now chubby days again... he has loved me through poking and prodding at the fertility clinic, 4 rounds of IVF, he's loved me through, loss, heart break, laughter and tears... and now we are so blessed to have this amazing opportunity ahead of us that we get to take together...

It's just another adventure along this journey we call life... no matter where we end up, as long as we are together, we will be home... as long as we are living our lives on purpose we will have peace...

So no matter what you are going through at the moment, just know... the life that you had planned may not be the life that you are living, and that is ok... look into the life you are living and find the diamonds, find the gold- hold onto the positives and focus on just how awesome life is, even if it isn't the one you had planned... there is always something to be thankful for...

Share the love,
M.

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