My Merry Christmas List.

For all of my American friends, tomorrow is Thanksgiving... for my Canadian friends, I've already got our tree up, carols are playing, I'm enjoying the cool air, hot coffee, and basically hunkering down for winter. Winter in Montreal is cold, but winter in Montreal is magical. Nothing is as beautiful as a fresh layer of white snow... Nothing warms my heart like waking up to a blanket of pure white... then reality sets in, and you know you need to shovel, put on boots, warm clothes, upon warm clothes, fingers tingling with cold, and then you step outside and it takes your breath away, literally... and figuratively.

Winter is a constant reminder of a fresh start, a beautiful redemption story, and new life. I love this time of year. Although Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year...  I often find that this time of year ends up being a time of reflection, often sadness, unfulfilled expectations and rushing... rushing, rushing... 'till life's no fun...

I'm what my mother calls, that "creative type" my emotions go a little up and down, I am so much better than I used to be, but I still fall prey to a rollercoaster of emotions at this time of year... high, high, high, leading up to the 24th.... and often the 25th is low low low... something switches, did I miss something? Did something not happen that I needed to happen, why isn't it like I was when I was 5, that awesome feeling of complete joy? What's wrong with me?

What I've come to learn is that there is nothing wrong with me, I cannot go back to that childlike wonder of Christmas because of all of the adult like responsibilities and knowledge that fills my brain. But what I can do to guard my heart from unfulfilled expectations is write them down.

Last year was my first year of doing this, and it made so much sense when I started to feel low... I read over my expectations, and I had achieved every one of them, so what was there to be sad about? I had accomplished my goals, and the side of my brain that reasons things out, stated as clear as day- You've accomplished everything you set out to accomplish, therefore Christmas was a success... What are you wallowing about? and although it didn't eliminate all of the feelings, it helped me put things into perspective.

So I've included a "My Merry Christmas List",  it isn't about writing physical things you want like gifts, (although you can definitely use it for that). Instead it is about writing a list of expectations that you'd like to achieve. A few examples of mine from last year, and will probably end up on this years list again are:

1. Spend time with my Hubby (Doing a puzzle, watching a Christmas Movie, having hot chocolate)
2. Spend Quality time with my Dad (Enjoy a conversation about life, share photos from the year, discuss our favourite memory of the year etc.)
Sometimes you have to have a plan about how you want to spend your time, and what to have a conversation about, or it will get swallowed up by noise, tv shows, and stupid stuff.
3. Spend time with my Mom (we are going to her house this year and I am so excited, my hope is to have: hot chocolate and conversations, do a puzzle, watch a christmas movie, sing some carols, enjoy the fireplace, relax)
4. Enjoy My Hubby's family,  it is all about the kids, celebrate them~ enjoy their company, have an extra glass of wine, and just relax and laugh
5. Take a walk, enjoy the crunch of fresh snow under my feet
6. Take a nap
7. Chat's on the phone with my sister. Skype or FaceTime Christmas morning
8. Make bread
9. Big paper, Big markers, Big plans for 2016- Write out our yearly goals together- make plans to accomplish them. (this might be one of my favourite things to do with the hubby, it's all about dreaming, and planning for the entire year.. of course over the year things get eliminated, but things also get added- it is a fun process to do together!)

And the list goes on... it seems insignificant to write those things down, but when I go back over my list and I have accomplished all of those moments with the people that I love, I consider it a success... because it so often goes by in a whirlwind, and all of a sudden there is a crash... I'm practically in tears, and it's all over...

If you are anything like me, and love this time of year, but also know that when it's over, sometimes it is hard... try making a list of moments...

Last year this was my saving grace... as simple as that... no crashing, just wallowing in beautiful memories of moments that we had...

Share the love,
M.

Ps. I've also added a Merry Christmas Print at the bottom, plus a plethora of Facebook cover images in lots of colours :)

Have You Donated? All Donations go to Nurture Baby Home in Uganda to help with the care of Edrisa and all of the other Children, let's make sure to send some love and Christmas spirit to those little ones who need love.

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MY MERRY CHRISTMAS LIST 

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Monday.

my incomplete versions of this hummingbird :)                  

Was your Easter Amazing?  Sometimes holidays are hard for me, especially my favourite holidays. I feel the older I get the harder it is to enjoy a holiday, I look forward to it so much, and then it falls flat, it doesn't live up to the expectations I have placed on it.  Easter is one of those holidays. I love the idea of a new beginning, of celebrating the resurrection, of spring in the air... a new dress, something that looks like a breath of fresh air... family photos in the sun, church together... dinner... conversation.  When we were little, Easter always happened at my Grandparent's house, I remember all of us cousins eating in layers sitting up the central stairs of their home, all dressed in our Easter outfits... with a 1 pound chocolate bunny waiting to be eaten. It was loud, still too cold to play outside, filled with smoke, and usually a race of some sort, or a sporting match was on the tv. My Uncles would turn up the volume, my Grandma would come in from the kitchen and turn it down, this was the routine of the day. Sneaking the volume back up, and out She'd come and turn it back down. The kids would just giggle and sit closer to the tv.

My own family is split all over the country, sure, my hubby's family is near, but they don't celebrate Easter and never have. I want so badly to create some traditions of our own, I try, it ends up not happening... No family photos, no new dress... no celebration. One thing that did salvage this Sunday was going out to dinner with a friend of ours, and her whole family- eight of us. It was awesome. Sure, it wasn't my family, but almost. It was probably the highlight of my weekend. Does it make me sad my family is not together on the holidays, yes... but can I go back to being eight years old when the world made sense? no...

Next year, I will have to write down my expectations, and try to create new traditions, and follow through... This past Christmas, I wrote out my expectations of Christmas, (what are you looking for, what is most important, what would you like to happen)... I wrote down exactly what I wanted to happen, I wrote out how I wanted to feel (calmness, joy, reflection), and what was most important (time with our families, a time of relaxation for my hubby, quiet time with my hubby)... and then made it happen, it was wonderful, the only thing we didn't do was our annual puzzle... But I was ok with that - I  had no lingering feelings of unhappiness, of incompleteness. I had no sadness when I went to sleep... I knew that my expectations were clearly written down, and they had happened.

Yesterday,  I was working on my print for today, a stylized humming bird... I see them floating and flitting around, I see them as beautiful and graceful darting about... but what I never see is their little wings flapping at over 50 times per second... I only see the beauty, I don't see the work. I have to remind myself of this when flipping through Instagram during the holidays- I see all of these perfect beautiful families, dressed up in new duds for Easter.... I have to remember that Momma is flapping her wings more than 50 times a second, holding back tears of her own, be it happy or sad, trying to create moments and memories for her family, creating traditions of her own... Her feelings are probably not far from my own...

The amazing thing about Easter, is it's a NEW DAY... a new beginning, a new time of year, filled with Hope, and expectation, and awesomeness... so today as I am up very early typing this... I feel a sense of peace, calmness and hope. Last night, not so much...but today. Yes.

How about you? How do you go through the holidays?
Have you ever written down our expectations? If so, did you find it made a difference?

Share the love,
M.


Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”  -C.G Jung

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