Figuring it out...

As we get older holidays become more complicated, especially you have time to think about them. This year I am excited, we are going home to my mom's for Christmas and I can't wait. It's an interesting time, because I know I have high hopes of going and feeling Christmas like I used to, but I also know that it will never feel like it used to- am I setting myself up for failure? (I've got a plan for that too... My Merry Christmas List ) 

Sometimes it is hard adulting when you don't actually ever feel like the adult in the room. The Hubby and I have no kids, not for lack of trying, praying, bargaining, etc... you can read all about that story here: Why I do what I do! ) But when you don't have children, you are still the children- we don't have little people running around the house needing us, we aren't required to have a set dinner time, toast at 8pm while binge watching Netflix is actually not a 'no no'. When you've got kids, you've got other responsibilities... at the moment, the only things I need to keep alive are my Hubby (and generally he can forage for himself), Timothy the Dog, and a few house plants... So Christmas here is a little different. 

I have this belief that when you reach a certain age, most couples have children to relive the wonder through their eyes...  Christmas time is especially difficult for me... Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, I love everything about it, but I've always got this underlying sadness that I just can't seem to shake...

I have to guard myself agains falling into a season of despair and frustration, because that makes me no fun for anyone around the holidays... 

I love this song by Third Day, and I try to keep it in mind... the feelings that I feel are not unique- other's may feel this way too. I never quite understood how the holidays could be hard on people when I was younger, my how the years can you teach you all sorts of things... now I get it... now I understand. But now I also know that I need to focus on gratitude... focus on the beauty, focus on the hope...focus on Jesus... the true meaning of Christmas...  

Although I want to feel Christmas like it used to be... I know- it is probably not possible... but one certainly can hope... and hope I do.

I want to feel Christmas, how it used to be
With all of its wonder falling on me
This season has felt so empty, oh, for quite a while
I want to feel Christmas like a child

I want to see snowflakes fall to the ground
My brothers and sisters all gathered around
Singing, "Away In A Manager" as we sit by the fire
I want to feel Christmas like a child

It's been so long now, I can't say
Just when I lost my way

But I'm going back to how it was

When this day meant everything
And we spent our time remembering
The baby Child born for us

It's all about Jesus
Asleep in the straw
This infant, this King
This Savior for all

So I don't need bells to be ringing
'Cause I'll join with angels singing, Gloria
And I can feel Christmas like a child

(Third Day Music)

How do you cope with Christmas? Do you find yourself reminiscing? For those of you who have Children, do you get to live that wonder through their experiences? Through their eyes? 

Share the love, 

M.

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LostBumblebee ©2015 MDBN
A Thrill of Hope the weary world REJOICES !
Free Printable For Personal Use : Donate to download

Inspirational Digital Calendar :)

Sample of our Living Life On Purpose 2016 Calendar Files.
Don't Miss out!

Happy Hump Day! It's Wednesday December 16th here in Quebec Canada, and we have no snow. I am not sure how I feel about that... no snow for Christmas? I'm not liking that idea. I know a lot of places don't have snow for the holidays, but Quebec - Canada, we have snow, and lots of it. This year... green.... grrrr....

I wanted to share with you all, these Beautiful Digital Calendar files that I've posted in my Etsy Shop.  

12 Digital Files to download and create your very own Living Life On Purpose Calendar. It's way easier than you think. Head on over and take a read as to why I'm offering Digital Downloads instead of a physical calendar you can order.  These 12 beautiful Photos were taken mostly by my very talented husband who developed a passion for photography while we were in Uganda, and a couple by me- but not too many! All Proceeds will be going directly to The Baby Home and the Orphanage that we got to work in while on our Living Life On Purpose 2015 Journey. We will be giving to help raise money for their Christmas Fund- Don't miss out on the opportunity to make ones of these little faces smile on Christmas Morning!

Go check it out and as a thank you for heading over to my Etsy Shop,  Scroll down for a beautiful Printable Sample just for you!

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M.

LostBumblebee ©2015 MDBN LIVING LIFE ON PURPOSE
: 8.5x11 Printable 100% of Profits go directly to the Orphanage and the Baby Home we worked in to send Christmas to these beautiful faces!

Hope.

Hope...

"Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick",  I am very aware of this verse and very aware of how repeating it to yourself can actually make you sick. My very wise Mama always reminds me to finish off the rest of this verse... "But desire fulfilled is a tree of life" (Prov. 13:12)- 
A TREE OF LIFE!

LIFE.

It's like Christmas... Christmas is a time of hope, not because of what is coming, but because of what has already come.

I wanted to share this print with you, because in my life, holding onto hope is important... I've written about hope before, I've shared my hopeless feelings, and my feelings of hope... and how sometimes I white knuckling hope, grasping on pathetically... or heroically- my view changes depending on the day.

But if you are in the midst of hoping for something, waiting for something, don't give up hope... hold on (this is a reminder to myself as well) hold on ...because when that desire is fulfilled it is a tree of life.

Share the love,
M.

Larger Prints:
8x10 and 11x14 available on my Etsy Shop


PS. Don't forget to donate to download and help us raise funds to support Edrisa Our (LostBumblebee Blogs + You) Sponsor 2 year old Baby Boy in Uganda!

LostBumblebee ©2015 Hope Chalkboard FACEBOOK COVER IMAGE 

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Rustic Noel

My house is pretty much an eclectic mix of all things I love. I'm not sure what you would call my style, it's kinda full, with lots of book, a few plants, browns and reds... not what you see in the house and home magazines, but definitely a place that I love to come home to. It's like a great big giant hug- especially around the holidays. It's full of Christmas charm and I love it. Hints of red be-speckled here and there amongst greenery and twinkly lights... My heart is happy at home. Especially around the holidays.

Enjoy this Rustic Chalkboard Noel Print :)

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M.

For larger sizes visit my Etsy shop.

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All is Calm...

... all is bright...  Ah those nice calm days before the storm of the Christmas holidays really starts brewing... I'm sitting here head whirling around trying to figure out if I've forgotten anything... it's only the 10th, so I have not yet taken on the "well if I have, it's too late now" attitude... there is still time...  But I don't want to get caught up in the crazy, I don't want to get all worried. My goal is to remain calm, remember the reason for the season, share love and laughter and not freak out- but, in the spirit of honesty, I may have already freaked out... more than once... but I digress...

Do you freak out during the holidays? Some people choose wine, I've been known to do that a time or two... some people hide, some people over spend ( I may have done that once or twice too), some people ... I don't know... fill in the blank, how do you deal with the holidays? How do you stay calm?

Share the love,
M.

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DECEMBER!

LostBumblebee ©2015 MDBN : DECEMBER FACEBOOK COVER IMAGE 72 dpi (not for print)

Oh December- It's the most Wonderful Time of the year... can you hear it, can you smell it... It's beautiful, stressful, full of crazy relatives, phone calls, cookies, Christmas trees, extra stuff in my house, friends, wine, cheer, sadness, Advent, church, more people, food, chocolate, lights, snow, worry.... it really is the most wonderful time of the year... if we keep in mind what Christmas is all about.

Instead of worrying if you've done enough... know that Jesus did it all, celebrate that and know you are enough.

Christmas in our world can cause so much pain, hurt and frustration... try to focus on what really matters to you... don't load up your credit card, instead make stuff, don't spend money on stuff no one needs, spend time instead... don't do what doesn't fill your heart... gently bow out of invitations you don't want to say yes to- and do what does fill your heart, another evening with hot chocolate and popcorn watching a christmas movie with your family, is doing Christmas. Driving around looking at the lights with your hubby, IS Christmas. Don't compare what is important to you, with what is important to someone else... if you don't have time to decorate your house because it takes you away from spending time with those you love, don't decorate your house...

Pick and choose this year what will fill your heart and soul and make you happy... leave behind comparison, which leads to feelings of inadequacy - choose your peace and happiness instead... know you are enough, your children want you, not stuff... your husband wants you, not stuff... be present, be in the moment, capture it in your memory, and if you remember, take a few photos...  this will be the best Christmas yet!

Share the love,
M.

Check out my Advent Calendars:

Rustic Christmas CHEER Calendar, a fun and inspirational way to celebrate the Christmas Spirit throughout the holidays:
https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/247817498/christmas-advent-calendar-rustic-holiday?ref=shop_home_feat_1

Calendrier de L'Avent en Français (Bible): 
https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/247943589/calendrier-de-lavent-en-francais-25-4x6?ref=listing-shop-header-0

CHRISTmas Scripture Advent Calendar Version 2:

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/258695253/christmas-advent-calendar-version-2?ref=related-4

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8x10

My Merry Christmas List.

For all of my American friends, tomorrow is Thanksgiving... for my Canadian friends, I've already got our tree up, carols are playing, I'm enjoying the cool air, hot coffee, and basically hunkering down for winter. Winter in Montreal is cold, but winter in Montreal is magical. Nothing is as beautiful as a fresh layer of white snow... Nothing warms my heart like waking up to a blanket of pure white... then reality sets in, and you know you need to shovel, put on boots, warm clothes, upon warm clothes, fingers tingling with cold, and then you step outside and it takes your breath away, literally... and figuratively.

Winter is a constant reminder of a fresh start, a beautiful redemption story, and new life. I love this time of year. Although Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year...  I often find that this time of year ends up being a time of reflection, often sadness, unfulfilled expectations and rushing... rushing, rushing... 'till life's no fun...

I'm what my mother calls, that "creative type" my emotions go a little up and down, I am so much better than I used to be, but I still fall prey to a rollercoaster of emotions at this time of year... high, high, high, leading up to the 24th.... and often the 25th is low low low... something switches, did I miss something? Did something not happen that I needed to happen, why isn't it like I was when I was 5, that awesome feeling of complete joy? What's wrong with me?

What I've come to learn is that there is nothing wrong with me, I cannot go back to that childlike wonder of Christmas because of all of the adult like responsibilities and knowledge that fills my brain. But what I can do to guard my heart from unfulfilled expectations is write them down.

Last year was my first year of doing this, and it made so much sense when I started to feel low... I read over my expectations, and I had achieved every one of them, so what was there to be sad about? I had accomplished my goals, and the side of my brain that reasons things out, stated as clear as day- You've accomplished everything you set out to accomplish, therefore Christmas was a success... What are you wallowing about? and although it didn't eliminate all of the feelings, it helped me put things into perspective.

So I've included a "My Merry Christmas List",  it isn't about writing physical things you want like gifts, (although you can definitely use it for that). Instead it is about writing a list of expectations that you'd like to achieve. A few examples of mine from last year, and will probably end up on this years list again are:

1. Spend time with my Hubby (Doing a puzzle, watching a Christmas Movie, having hot chocolate)
2. Spend Quality time with my Dad (Enjoy a conversation about life, share photos from the year, discuss our favourite memory of the year etc.)
Sometimes you have to have a plan about how you want to spend your time, and what to have a conversation about, or it will get swallowed up by noise, tv shows, and stupid stuff.
3. Spend time with my Mom (we are going to her house this year and I am so excited, my hope is to have: hot chocolate and conversations, do a puzzle, watch a christmas movie, sing some carols, enjoy the fireplace, relax)
4. Enjoy My Hubby's family,  it is all about the kids, celebrate them~ enjoy their company, have an extra glass of wine, and just relax and laugh
5. Take a walk, enjoy the crunch of fresh snow under my feet
6. Take a nap
7. Chat's on the phone with my sister. Skype or FaceTime Christmas morning
8. Make bread
9. Big paper, Big markers, Big plans for 2016- Write out our yearly goals together- make plans to accomplish them. (this might be one of my favourite things to do with the hubby, it's all about dreaming, and planning for the entire year.. of course over the year things get eliminated, but things also get added- it is a fun process to do together!)

And the list goes on... it seems insignificant to write those things down, but when I go back over my list and I have accomplished all of those moments with the people that I love, I consider it a success... because it so often goes by in a whirlwind, and all of a sudden there is a crash... I'm practically in tears, and it's all over...

If you are anything like me, and love this time of year, but also know that when it's over, sometimes it is hard... try making a list of moments...

Last year this was my saving grace... as simple as that... no crashing, just wallowing in beautiful memories of moments that we had...

Share the love,
M.

Ps. I've also added a Merry Christmas Print at the bottom, plus a plethora of Facebook cover images in lots of colours :)

Have You Donated? All Donations go to Nurture Baby Home in Uganda to help with the care of Edrisa and all of the other Children, let's make sure to send some love and Christmas spirit to those little ones who need love.

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MY MERRY CHRISTMAS LIST 

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Big Dreams. Big Feels.

So many people are asking how I am doing being back. The people who are asking, know my heart, they knew what Living Life On Purpose 2015 meant to me... and now they are concerned about my heart.

Let me just share a little... Being back is hard. Not because I don't appreciate hot showers, running water, electricity that works 99.9% of the time, paved roads, fresh air, grocery stores that have basically everything anyone could ever possibly need... no being back is hard because I left part of my heart in Uganda. I feel a little incomplete. I feel that I need to be doing something, anything, yet, I'm not sure what... I'm fighting to hold on to memories, faces and names of children and people I met, and feelings I felt. Oh those feelings.

Honestly, I am at a loss for words, I try to explain to people, but I am not sure I can. Yesterday someone asked me at church how my heart was... and tears just spilled down my cheeks. I'm ok- I responded... I'm ok. But am I ok?

Yes, I am ok... I run through the list in my mind: Yes I am ok, Yes I want to do something, Yes we (you + me) are doing something, we are sponsoring Edrisa, and we will eventually sponsor more children. YES it is ok to be sad, to feel a pull, to want to do more... and yes it ok to take time to wallow in those feelings... No my heart will never be the same. Will I ever forget the feeling of little hands holding mine? nope.  Will I continue to dream big? YES. Will I dream dreams for myself and for the children? Yes. Will I survive? Yes...

So I guess what I'm really asking is:

How do you deal with feelings like this? What do you do that helps you process, manage, file, and feel all the feels there are to feel?  Christmas is coming and that in itself comes with loads of feelings, I am not sure I can handle all of the feels... my heart my explode this year... with happiness, sadness, and everything in between.

So let me encourage you today to dream big.  Do Big Dreams come with lots of feels- oh yes. Are they worth it? Oh yes...

Feel all the feels friends... and
Share the love,
M.


Ps. This print would look amazing HUGE, hung in a bedroom, or office, or studio. If you'd like ti sized for any size frame you have   >>click here<<   and I can do that for you!

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Noël!

Another Noël print, because I love Christmas :) and Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year.

I'm working on a really exciting project for the blog here, it's all about love and sharing and showing we care. I cannot wait to share it with you... I hope that you will get behind me in this crazy step of faith that this blog is about to take with you all - of course. 

Share the love,

M.

Simple black and white incase you are into foiling :)

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LostBumblebee ©2015 MDBN : Noel
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Merry & Bright!

Today is the day! I made it past Remembrance day without putting up my tree, not because I didn't want too, and not because I made myself wait, but because after being gone for 5 weeks, all of a sudden everyone realized I was back!  I had the most amazing opportunity to work on a cd cover for a Quebec singer who is just finishing up an instrumental lullaby cd, the proceeds will help them finance the adoption of their 4th child... who is out there waiting for them somewhere. It makes my heart so happy to be able to be part of this grand undertaking in a small way.

So Merry and BRIGHT it shall be today, the Christmas music will be out in full volume,  I will covered in sparkles, the floor will be a mess and it will be heavenly.  If you look outside today, November is a grey month here in Quebec... An author once described the colour of the winter sky in Montreal like that of an unlit or burnt out lightbulb. I've never tried to explain any other way after that, because that perfectly describes the colour.

I have a garden full of kale that needs to be harvested,  a mountain of design work I need to finish, phone calls to return, a nap to take (we have youth tonight and it goes late, and apparently I'm too old and still jet lagged to stay up past 9pm) But... Merry+Bright it shall be... and I will nap to the sounds of Christmas, with love, peace and joy wafting through my home... and it will be perfect. Perfect.

And as you know, "well laid plans of mice and men often go astray".... we shall see! we shall see!

Share the love,
M.

This print is a sneak peek of my Rustic Advent Calendar that can be downloaded via my ETSY shop... Click here:  25 CHRISTMAS CHEER RUSTIC ADVENT CALENDAR 

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RUSTIC CHRISTMAS :
MERRY AND BRIGHT :
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RUSTIC CHRISTMAS :
MERRY AND BRIGHT :
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We Wish You...

Oh Tra- la- la... we arrived home last week from our five week journey to Uganda- I thought I'd be excited about fall, and then it hit me, it is November! Here in Canada our Thanksgiving is in October, so November is fair game for all things Christmas, sort of -with one exception...

We celebrate Remembrance Day on November 11- and I take that very seriously. Freedom isn't free and we need to respect and celebrate those who fought for Freedom, and those who fight for our freedom even now.

Somehow this year, I am having a hard time waiting... I want to decorate now, I mean yesterday... and I almost did... I'm not sure I will make it through today without putting my tree up. We are most likely going to be away over the holidays and I want to spend as much time lollygagging in the Christmas spirit and the miracle of this magical time of year. It doesn't last long enough for me... Christmas is so special. I cannot wait for the first snow fall that cleanses the world in a blanket of white... it's such a beautiful reminder of forgiveness.

If I put my tree up early will I still be honouring our Veterans, Yes! Do I still I respect them, Yes! I live the life I live because of the sacrifices of many... we are so blessed here in Canada and elsewhere in the world... so please do remember our veterans, and if you put your Christmas music on early, or put your Christmas tree up... be kind to yourself, and your neighbours... and me, and remember that just because Christmas decorations are up, Christmas music is playing... The honour and respect I have for those who fought for my freedom, does not diminish in the glimmer of the miracle of Christmas~ it is actually brought front and centre into a greater light of what real sacrifice actually means... so Happy Remembrance Day & Merry Christmas!


Share the love,
M.

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Joyeux Noël

Something wonderful this way comes! Oh yes... it is coming - I love Christmas... It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Joyeux Noël!

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M.

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LostBumblebee ©2015 MDBN : Christmas Card 5x7 Joyeux Noel :
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LostBumblebee ©2015 MDBN : Christmas Card 5x7 Joyeux Noel :
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LostBumblebee ©2015 MDBN : Christmas Card 5x7 Joyeux Noel
 Free for Personal use ONLY.