Um...Ya, Meltdown.

I'm not even going to pretend that I didn't have a meltdown this year on Christmas Eve. I did. It was bad. It was a sad moment, when everything poured in and I entertained thoughts of "what if, and if only, and It should be"... Honestly, I know better.

I know myself, I know that I get caught up in crazy emotional turmoil around the holidays. I know this. I also know I have a plan, I have a Merry Christmas List, that I fill out yearly. But did I arm myself this year with the tools I need to not have a meltdown? No. I did not. Did I have a meltdown. Yes BIG time. Who is to blame? Me. Me and only me. I know myself, I have a yearly plan- I didn't follow through I own that. UGh.

I try to choose gratitude everyday and I manage, honestly, most days... the Holidays are hard. Even though it is my favourite time of the year, I manage to feel empty, lost, frustrated, and hurt. Maybe I ought to change my favourite holiday? But the reality is when I am feeling this way it is because of unfulfilled expectations, and this toxic phrase that plays over in my mind: "It isn't suppose to be this way". For a lot of things...

My parents aren't suppose to be divorced. Honestly being the adult child of divorced parents is hard yo. Hard.

We were suppose to have kids. We didn't y'all, It's hard to celebrate Christmas with family and their children. It's a reminder of what we don't have. (BUT -just let me get a grateful moment in here for a second because- seriously- IT IS SO nice to go home, and have a full night sleep, no sugar high kids waking us up at 5 am the next day- so yup, I do see that Silver lining I love so much).

I am not a great gift giver, I never think it's enough, I always go over budget, and I get mad about it, in the aftermath. (GRINCH anyone??)

But then on Christmas Eve we ordered a pizza and tipped the bill, because I was so grateful that they delivered pizza to a sobbing mess and washed it down with beer. (So NOT a Grinch?)

I feel pulled in a lot of different directions with feelings, I'm so grateful for the life I have... and I am so ungrateful because around the holidays it isn't what I thought it would be... how is one suppose to deal with this?

Oh right... I know, my Merry Christmas List... that is how I manage these feelings every year, THAT is how I make sure that the Christmas letdown is not a Missie Meltdown that takes days, weeks to recover from.

Next year, I am having a Christmas Eve Open house, come on by, have a drink, listen to some Christmas music, have some snacks, chat a little, enjoy putting together a puzzle with us... Just come by and be... be simple, be grateful, be together, just be... and just be ok. It'll be for me- not necessarily for anyone else, it'll be so I can get through without too much time to ponder the "what ifs, the why nots, the why us" moments.

I was a mess. I'm embarrassed to even say it, but in order to live my authentic life, I feel like I wanted to share it... because if I am feeling this, you might be too... and I want you to know you are not alone, you are not solo in the journey through the jungle of chaos at Christmas. I too am bushwhacking with the best of them... just trying to survive and hold on to some semblance of peace and gratitude.

I preach love, peace, gratitude... and guess what, most of the time I live it, sometimes I get caught up in that downward spiral... but what I know for sure is this is not permanent, this is only temporary, and in the grand scheme of things... Life is beautiful, hard, and beautiful. So I must continue to think on these things...

Finally, my friends, keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper. Don’t ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 (CEV)

I hope your Christmas was meltdown free... full of joy, and peace, and love, and gratitude, and generosity...

Share the love,
M.

LBG©2019 MDBN- Free Printable for Personal Use Only
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Because sometimes how you feel comes out on paper <3

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M.

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LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN :
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Almost EVERYTHING will work again if you unplug
 it for a few moments... even you.
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8x10 To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.
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LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN : Facebook Cover Image : Personal Use Only : Donate to download : 72dpi not for print : www.lostbumblebee.net

Hand Lettered.

Because sometimes how you feel comes out on paper <3

Share the love,

M.

LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN
8x10 : All That I have Seen, Teaches me to Trust The Creator for all I have not seen...
 Personal Use Only
 www.lostbumblebee.net

LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN
8x10 : Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all...
Personal Use Only
www.lostbumblebee.net

LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN :
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Almost EVERYTHING will work again if you unplug
 it for a few moments... even you.
Personal Use Only : www.lostbumblebee.net

LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN
8x10 To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.
Personal Use Only : www.lostbumblebee.net

LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN : Facebook Cover Image : Personal Use Only : Donate to download : 72dpi not for print : www.lostbumblebee.net

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Happy Saturday!

Created to go together or separately :)
Enjoy!

It's Saturday- what an awesome day, it's as though the whole world looks at life a little differently on a Saturday than any other day of the week. It's full of endless possibilities, wide open mental spaces and sheer joy. I love Saturdays. Even though my Hubby and I both work on Saturdays, there is something so inborn in me that I still love them.

When I was growing up, Saturdays were the only 'free' day. Sunday was church, Monday -Friday was school, and every second week on Saturday evenings we had church services with the elderly at the seniors home. We may or may not have races those people to the service taking corners on two wheels in their wheel chairs... they would just laugh and giggle the whole time. Who in their right mind puts eight 12 year olds in charge of going and getting the participants in wheelchairs? Apparently our parents trusted us. side note: In our free time, we would wander around the basement looking for the morgue-morbid, I know. 

But Saturdays... I still love them, I still hold them in a special place in my heart, they are the free day of the week! It's as though they are the day that I can finally cast my cares away, and truly relax... but 1 Peter says that we should be casting our cares away every day, "Cast all of your cares on Him; He cares for you." All of your cares, that includes your Monday woes, your Tuesday cares, your Wednesday stress, your Thursday frustrations and your Friday anxiety - knowing that you start this all over again on Monday.  Cast ALL of your cares on Him. He Cares for you.  This is a reminder that I recite to myself daily, I am living and growing and casting my cares daily, sometimes every moment I am saying this over and over... and then laying down my worries, placing my anxieties, my hurts, my frustrations on Him... because He truly cares for me. 


If something has you down, cast your cares on Him... He truly cares for you.
You are his favourite.

Share the love,
M.

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Purpose + Grown Up Colouring!

So it is official, as you know we are going! I had the opportunity to share my heart with our Church Family- I was so humbled by the support we received. People came up to me after my talk and just wanted to hug me, say thank you, tell us that they will be supporting us, either in prayer, encouragement and some financially. We are so honoured.

If you'd like to see my personal story, hear my voice, hear my heart, you can click here:
 >> MARCH 01 2015 << 


On another note, I wanted to add more GROWN UP COLOURING pages to the blog. I have been using these and loving them. What a great way to spend some quiet time meditating on the good things;

Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely and good, think on those things! (Philippians 4:8)

I hope you take the time to watch my video and also to download these sheets and spend some quality creative time with yourself :)

Share the love,
M.

>>FOR MORE GROWN-UP COLOURING SHEETS CLICK HERE :) <<

>> EVEN MORE GROWN UP COLOURING SHEETS HERE <<

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8.5x11 (this one is more complicated, it will take
some sharp, sharp pencil crayons  but it will
be beautiful:) ENJOY!

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Body Break! Take A Break from Society.

Do you remember Hal and Johanne, who used to do Body Break! in the 80's. If you aren't sure what Body Break is, i'm sure you can youtube it, but it was a minute or so commercial on tv that taught you something healthy, this was just at the beginning of the health craze that has since taken over every aspect of our lives. Oh my goodness... it is crazy.

Anyway this year the hubby and I decided to make changes that makes our body's happy, for me, that means playing squash, throw in some weight lifting and the elliptical/treadmill, about 4-6 times a week (when I am not injured from falling off said treadmill). Now, let's be clear here, this body is made for comfort not for speed... I'm  built more like a Cadillac than a F1 race car, and I'm ok with that. But I also know that air plane seats are getting smaller as they try to pack more of us on a flight than every before. So on that note, I want to make sure I fit nicely into a seat for our long (long, long, long) flight to Uganda this fall. Duy and I also talked a lot about living a long time, apparently I feel like I'm going to live forever and Duy, well he is happy with his biblical allotment 70 years or so. Me- I scream and balk at the idea of only having 70 years. I have way too much to do, and so much to give that I just don't think one lifetime will be enough- but I digress...

We are soul/spirit beings that are housed in beautiful bodies that come in all shapes, sizes and colours... Make sure you don't judge yourself on your package... the gift lies within. In our society it is hard not to be hard on ourselves. I just want to remind you- be kind to you, take care of you, and love you. You are a miracle and you are here for a purpose, whatever that may be... you are awesome. 

Share the love,
M.

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Follow Your Own Arrow.

Sometimes we get caught up in comparing our lives to others. Peeking in and seeing what they have and desiring it. Trying to mimic, copy and be like them (I am guilty of this more than I'd like to admit).

This causes us not to see the beautiful human that we were created to be...  instead of desiring to be like others, just be you, be uniquely you.  In the wise words of Oscar Wilde;

'Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.'

Of course, learn and be inspired by others, but be true to you. In the world we live in, it is easier said than done. So follow your own arrow... point it to your true north, and follow it.

Share the love,
M.

LostBumblebee Jornal Cards ON ETSY 

If you like this print, you will love the collection of 3x4 journal cards I've created. Check them out on my
Etsy Shop.

(all proceeds go to raise funds for our LIVING LIFE ON PURPOSE 2015 Journey, which is quickly approaching!)

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Blessed.

Everyday- I am blessed.

I am blessed because of the people who have gone before me, paved the way for my freedom here in Canada. and I know my Freedom is not free...

Tomorrow is Remembrance Day here in Canada a day where we remember and cherish our Veterans who have fought not only for our freedom but for peace everywhere.  I'm sad that we only have one day- our veterans deserve so much more than one day. 

Share the love,
M.

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Be Brave.

Sometimes I mutter this to myself, Be Brave. Just be brave, you can do this... But I know my strength (pathetic weakling that I am) doesn't come from me 'white knuckling' my fear... it comes from a higher power that "will not leave me or forsake me" (Deut. 31:6).

I carry a sense of security with me because I know I am never alone. Even so... when fear does grip me, and it does, sometimes more than others, and sometimes in weird and different ways:

I had a weird bout of this in China where it took my breath away, a fear so overwhelming that I had a physical reaction to the thought: what if we never have children. 

Be Brave.
The Lord your (MY) God goes with you (ME!); he will never leave you (ME!) nor forsake you (ME!).

We are dealing with some serious stuff as a family and we could use prayers for peace in our hearts...

Be Brave.
The Lord your (MY) God goes with you (ME!); he will never leave you (ME!) nor forsake you (Me!).

Some of you are dealing with illness in your family.

Be Brave.
The Lord YOUR God goes with YOU; he will never leave YOU nor forsake YOU.

Some of you are dealing with issues of fear.

Be Brave.
The Lord YOUR God goes with YOU; he will never leave YOU nor forsake YOU.

Some of you are dealing with loss.

Be Brave.
The Lord YOUR God goes with YOU; he will never leave YOU nor forsake YOU.

Some of you are overwhelmed with life.

Be Brave.
The Lord YOUR God goes with YOU; he will never leave YOU nor forsake YOU.

Be brave. Be Brave. Be Brave.


I worry, I get scared, freak out a little, sometimes I have to do sheet therapy (i.e. take a nap). But I have a secret, I have a constant reminder, I know, that I know, that I know... "There is no fear in love; instead perfect love casts out fear..." (1John 4:18)  and I know... "The Lord your (MY) God goes with you (ME!); he will never leave you (ME!) nor forsake you (Meeeee!).” (Deut. 31:6)
and I know.... "that all things work together for good to those who love God..."(Rom.8:28)

Rest in knowing that you are not alone,
and that you are loved.
Share the love,
M.


Update: I added a second version - Scroll down, there is a version without the Bible verse for those who prefer it :) Have an awesome Day!
Share the love,
M.

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