It's a New Year...

It's a NEW YEAR! Yay, only problem, is me... same old me... I know, I know, we always try to give this giant speech about new year, new you- woot hoot... but in all honesty the only thing that has changed for me, is the last digit in the year... I'm still me. Plain ol' Missie.

Although I know the truth of that to the core, because let's be honest, I've lived a good many new year's resolution lists, and believing that I am a new me, in the new year... only for the year to end and I'm just an older version of the same old me. That isn't a bad thing, I'm a pretty good human, I try to be kind, I try to love others, I try to give... all of that good stuff, and in knowing all of that I still absolutely I love the freshness of a new year- the possibilities are endless.

The hubby and I always create a hopes, dreams, and goals list at the end of the year, for the following year... our 2016 list was knocked outta the park with an impromptu move half way across the world- to Vietnam, our 2017 list was a year of giving, it was really fun. This year is scribbled on the back of a Starbucks cookie bag, and folded up in my purse... a lot of what is on that list has to do with our 2016 list that got sidetracked, and a few new hopes, dreams, and goals.

For me this year personally, I am in a different place... I'm not creating a list to change who I am in so many words, but a list that will better my life, and all of those around me too...

More Art
Less negative/comparative thinking.
More gratitude for exactly where I am right this moment. (This is huge- gratitude is a big part of my life, [it keeps me sane, if we are looking for honesty] looking at all of the moment and being grateful, right here, right now- living in the moment, and not focusing on what I do not have, but instead focusing on what I do have)
More movement.
More veggies.

My word (and work) for the year 2017 was TRUST- It came to me at the end of January, so I am still very much trusting, and pursuing a calmness in knowing that I do not have to be in control, I do not have to 'do', but instead -I have to be still... I need to allow the perfect timing to happen at the perfect moment. I do not need to do anything other than trust, and of course, knock on doors of opportunity, and if they open, walk through them, and if they do not open, move along...

I do not know what my word for this year will be, it may end up being trust again. Trust will always be my word, this past year in a year of ups and downs, moving back halfway around the world into an unknown, trusting the process of illustrating a book (more about this soon, I am so excited to share this!), being more authentically who I am, being transparent with friends and family... there is a freedom in the word trust, not a freedom from consequences of action, or lack of action, but instead a freedom to pursue and walk through open doors, and knowing that if a door closes... it's all good.

So in this new year, same old me... I am in a place of peace... I know that I know... all is well... it will be a year for the books, they all are... and I will with all of my heart, Trust... and walk through open doors.

Do you have a word for the year? Do you have resolutions? is your heart happy?

I don't know what the new year hold, but I do know The Best is Yet to COME!
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M.

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November?!

How did November sneak up on us so fast? How is it that Christmas is almost here? How is it that our time in Vietnam is coming to a close? How is it that I signed an illustrating contract for 3 books? (I cannot wait to share this with you guys!) How is it that I do not know what is coming and as the time draws closer... I am still breathing, standing in the hallway, waiting for a door to open? How is it that everything is going crazy fast, and I am experiencing under all of the crazy a calm sense of peace... 

...because my word for the year is Trust. Trust. So many ups and downs this year, emotional highs and lows... when I look back on 2017 it will be one for the books. But through all of this, Trust is my word. When you get the word Trust for the year... you know it will take all of the courage you can muster to trust. 

Throughout this year, there have been many opportunities for me to flex my trust muscles, and it usually looked a lot like me with tears streaming down my face, fists balled up, quietly whispering, "But why... I know I don't need to know... but why... can't You at some point just tell me....this isn't how it's suppose to go, this isn't what I want, I know You know best, but can I have an opinion?  I know Father, you know best, I know that... but can't we just... ok... I love you, and I trust you. "  

I am not the only person in the world whose life looks messy, whose ups and downs feel like the highest highs and the lowest lows... I know that some of you are out there trusting, hoping, praying... don't ever give up!  Continue on this journey of trusting Him. I know that throughout the entire journey of my life, His ways are better than mine... yet I still question. I'm doing that less now... but I still do. 

There is a country song, that has the line "oh I thank God, for unanswered prayers" as I look back on my life's journey, I can whisper those words unapologetically. I admit that I thank God for unanswered prayers, and I thank God that I can trust Him.

This verse has been a song in my heart this year...

Let me hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for I trust in You. Teach me the way I should go for I lift up my soul to You.  

Psalm 143:8 

As this year comes to a close... this verse will be on my desktop, to remember... I trust Him... and I know He will show me where to go, which path to take, and I can have confidence in Him to know, He's got this... I can let go, and let God...

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M.

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Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled

WHOA, seriously, this is so much easier said than done, I tend to worry about everything that is out of my control and nothing that is in my control. I like to think I'm pretty efficient, if I'm in charge it'll go just fine... me, Large and In Charge! Oh but when I'm not in charge... I sleep less, I get anxiety in my shoulders, my beautiful worry line between my eyes gets deeper, wrinkles are forming in all the wrong places- my Mom says if you stay calm, laugh and smile in life, all your wrinkles will end up in the right place when you get older. I'm not doing a very good job of that.

But wait, is it my job to worry? NO. It's my job to trust. Trust is my word for the year, I should have known that if trust was my word for the year- the year was going to require a lot of trust.

Yesterday we got some unsettling news about timing and taxes yay! wooot hoot- ain't that a peach. I expected not to sleep. I was expecting stress in my shoulders and a few crazy conversations with the hubby resulting in me freaking out. But you know what? I changed my thoughts, I put on some music, I settled in my heart-  this is not for me to worry about. I broke it down to figure out exactly what I ought to be worrying about and I realized- nothing. I had no part, I was just along for the ride and where ever the ride takes us, we will go. I slept like a baby- my heart had never been less troubled.

Now, generally I sleep well enough until about 5 am... Duy (my hubby) goes swimming in the mornings at 5. It is dark, the pool is not lit, there is no one around. I worry. I toss and turn from 5 to 5:45 or so,  until Duy waltzes back through the door, and then I relax.

Now what exactly do I worry about? I worry that there will be a poisonous snake in the water that will bite him, reality, our pool is on the 5th floor, we live in a concrete jungle, and there will be no snakes in the pool unless an eagle flies over and deposits his lunch in our pool just because.

I worry that Duy will hit his head on the side of the pool and drown, reality, Duy doesn't swim at the speed of a rushing torpedo, Duy is not blind, he wears goggles, and he can navigate the approach leading up to the pool wall.

I worry that he will get struck by lightening, reality, if he gets in the pool when it is raining at 5 am, lightening will be the least of our worries- I will kill him- joking! But guess what?  This morning, Duy sets off for the pool, I shout out my usual "I love you, Have fun, be safe" statement and then Zzzzz. Sound asleep, I woke up to him unlocking the front door.

I had slept, in perfect peace. God you've got this.

So I've come to learn that 99% of the time I am worrying about things that can't possibly even come true. My imagination has the ability to make situations larger than life. I know this. I can usually calm myself down, I can break the situation down into bite sized chunks of nonsense... and yet I still have the ability to convince myself that there is danger. Guys, we don't have children yet, I can only imagine how mom's worry.

Sharing all of these thoughts with my mother, as she tries to stifle her giggles because she knows me. She knows, I'm the child who had to get out of the bathtub RIGHT NOW (!), because I was about to be eaten by a shark. I can still feel my heart beating fast when I think about it. The shark in my tub? Oh it was the facecloth, at the faucet end of the tub bobbing up and down in the splashing-ya... I'm that child.

Yesterday I showed my mom this print, and her wise words were... "Practice what you preach kid..."  (she added an 'lol' and a cutesy heart).

So here I am practicing what I preach, I know, that I know, that I know I am not in control! Why is it so hard to get through my head, maybe I'm a little hard headed.  I'm hoping I can learn it sooner rather than later.  Until then, I will be making myself reminders and sharing them with you.

I will be letting the anxious thought cross my mind, then I will break it down, I will define my part in the worrying- which is usually nil, but I will still define it, then I will let it go, and let God. Because who am I to worry about the future?

(Matt 6:34, Prov. 3: 5-6, Phil 4:6-7&8, 1 Peter 5:7 , Luke 12:26)

Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious [worried] about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:7 casting all your anxieties [worries] on him, because he cares for you.

John 14:1 ...do not let your hearts be troubled...

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled [worried], neither let them be afraid.

Do you find you worry about things out of your control? Do you fret about unrealistic situations? Does your heart get troubled? You are not alone... Cast your cares on Him...

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M.

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Man Cub Club

Today I don't have many words... But I do have this sweet little print that I think needs to be out in the wild.

Often I create works of art for the future, I create them for the children we hope to have, and sometimes I have to let those things go, to set them free, and let them flourish. Today is one of those days. Today I have to let go, I have to set things free, and I have to trust.

Trust is my word for the year, and trust is something I am working on... I am so grateful that I know I can trust my heavenly Father that His ways are better than mine, and that He is Good. All the time.

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M.

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Trust Walk.

On a journey-
Not sure how it will end. 
We never really are, 
are we? 
Where hope is huge-
Yet feelings of disappointment linger-
From hurts and hopes of the past.

Along this road,
I've been asked to trust-
"Trust me".
Every things whispers His words to me.
Every word on a every page, 
Every note in every song,
Every whisper of the wind...
Trust.
So I will trust... 
I choose to trust.

O for grace ...
To trust Him more. 
Heaps and heaps and HEAPS of grace,
To trust Him more.

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M.

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Trust. My Word for The Year.

Trust. That is my word for this year, did it come all wrapped up December 31st in a beautiful little package... nope it came last week. I was walking from the kitchen to the bedroom, and all I kept hearing was  "trust"... I looked down at my wrist and I saw the word trust being written on my inner wrist. Weird right? Of course my mind was seeing this being written, it wasn't actually happening. But I do believe that sometimes God has to shake us up a little to show us to trust, sometimes He asks us to believe, and more times that not, it is not easy. It is hard. I am a competent person, I'm pretty good at getting stuff done, especially when I'm in control. But what about when I am not in control? What about when I have to trust others on my behalf to make decisions that impact me? Take for example our government at the moment... Our Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, as cute as he is, he is doing a job on our economy... I worry about things like mortgage rates skyrocketing, losing the value in our home... I know, totally out of my control, I'm trusting him to do what is right for our country, his decisions affect us... I'm concerned... and yet... Trust is my word. Don't trust people, don't trust your government but Trust Me. Me... your heavenly Father who loves you more than anything... Trust me.

So here I go, shifting under the physical pressures of anxiety, slipping out the side door, Anxiety, you can stay here... I'm headed over there... under that palm tree... trusting that God's Got This... and I'm just along for the ride.

How am I doing with this so far? Well... I had a meltdown this morning on FaceTime with my Mom... but my Mom... for the past 38 almost 39 years, has been a voice of reason in my life, my ballast if you will... she has figuratively talked me off of many ledges... We talked, we prayed, I felt better. I'm not going to say the anxiety is gone, and I'm not going to say Trusting is easy. It is NOT. But it IS what I am going to do. It will be a daily decision, an hourly decision, might even be moment my moment...  and I'm going to need a reminder, so I created one. One that I can see, I'm going to put it as my screensaver, my desktop, and probably print it out 800 times over the course of this year... but I am going to do it...


How about you, how are you with trust, can you Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and not lean on your own understanding? As competent and qualified as you are... can you trust when you are not in control?


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M.

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Do I believe the Hype? + Happy Birthday To Me!

So according to studies, I'm getting old. Not studies on me, but rather on our feminine reproductive organs... by the time you are 38, you're uterus is basically a dud... all your good eggs are dead, and all that is left, is well duds... Oh and let's not mention the craziness of hair loss, weight gain, wrinkles and everything else they can throw in to scare the poop right out of you (oh and poop... ya, you'll probably never poop again!) This information used to scare me. It used to freak me out... and I'm kinda freaking out, that I am not freaking out.

Guess what... 38 is well-  just that, 38. It's a number, it's how long I've survived this crazy world of fear mongering and freak outs, love and laughter, chocolate and hugs, nieces and nephews, brothers (I got a few when I married my hubby) and sisters (my own partner in crime Sarah, plus I also collected a few more when my brothers all got married), my friends- my girlfriends, I'm not even sure this adequately describes these women who support, hold, up, pray for, and constantly bless me. It's been a sweet ride, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I wouldn't trade this body, these lines, my silver hair, or my experiences for anything... Living this life, not necessarily the one I had planned (read more), but the one that was planned for me- has given me the ability to trust, rest and rely on God to know... I don't need to know... He knows.

My mom always tells me when I'm feeling frustrated and I'm going on, and on...
 "but God, why, why me, why us... I'd really like to know!!"
She always tells me;
 "hun, you are on a need to know basis -and you just don't need to know."

So today for my birthday my wish is this... God whatever you have for me, whatever you have for us, give me the confidence to boldly go, boldly take that step, boldly believe and boldly trust in you... all the days of my life. With each passing day, and each passing year, this gets easier, less complicated, more simple, and very rewarding... Because God is good... always. 

So Happy Birthday to me! and to all of you celebrating today with me... Today is a GOOD day to have a GOOD DAY! Share the love, and your life lessons...
M.




PS. apparently someday soon, in our 40's ladies... our upper bodies actually become larger than our lower bodies?? SERIOUSLY?


and what is this little nugget of gold?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-27466/Is-woman-best-38.html

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Do Not Let Your Heart Be Troubled.

It's one of those days when the laundry piles, the emails, the work, the dishes, are all piled so high I am not sure where to start. Can you say overwhelmed?

I just got back from a wonderful week away at my mom's house- I took my work with me, so I was on a working vacation... Drove 14 hours on Friday to get home in time for a wedding, then left the next morning for a 5 hour road trip to a wonderful Camp to spend some time with friends from out west... with no computer, really bad wifi, pretty much no 3G. Lots of "No Service" up in the corner of my phone. Off the grid so to speak.  We had a blast. It so much fun, way too much coffee, so much good conversation, too much sun, so much food- way too much food. It was awesome.

It was exactly what the doctor ordered. We've already booked in for a solid week next year. I'm excited.

But before I even got back home, my heart started to worry a little, logistics of our Uganda Journey are still being ironed out. I am still raising funds, still organizing 2 fundraising events, still not sure how this will all turn out. Not sure exactly what we'll be doing. Not sure if I will survive the bugs. So many uncertainties. The only thing I know that is certain is that I'm totally overwhelmed.

And in my overwhelmed state- this verse continues to run through my head...

"Do not let your hearts be troubled..."
(John 14:27)

So why am I worrying? Why can't I just trust? Why is it so hard to let go and let God. Why do I always freak out until He comes through (and He always comes through).  I know I am probably not the only one who gets into these crazy whirlwinds of freaking out, wanting to just lie on the kitchen floor until everything works itself out, moments of insanity?

So today I am going to trust, with everything I am, all that I have and I am going to hold on to this verse and let it speak to my heart... 'don't be troubled... I've got this, have a little peace... you're covered, just rest.'

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M.

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Every Child.

Every Child Begins the World Again...
-Henry David Thoreau

Last night we had a family gathering, and we started talking about babies, adoption, surrogacy, DNA donation- etc., etc., etc., Maybe not your usual dinner table conversation but when you're a family who has dealt with fertility issues for the past 10 years, it's not unusual to come up with some pretty crazy funny ideas.  The norm would be more IVF or adoption- and we've talked about it, we've thought about it, and we will probably start the adoption process for a baby or little human child in the future...

I was asked how I felt about it... and my response was, "if it happens yay! I'd be happy, if it doesn't happen yay! I'm good with that too." and I am.  I really am. Has it been a long journey to get here? Yes. Do I believe that God has a perfect plan and that I can rest in the unknown? Yes. Is the unknown a place of rest? For me yes, for some perhaps not.  My Mom (she is so wise) always reminds me... "Miss, we are on a need to know basis with God, and sometimes you just don't need to know..." Would I love to see a snap shot of our lives in 20 years? Yes of course, but would that bring peace or anxiety?  I don't really know...

I'm in a wonderful place right now with our lives, we are Living Our Lives On Purpose and going to volunteer in an Orphanage in Uganda , we are going to share our love with Children and Youth who are already here, who have already changed the world just by being born- and in a good way. They will forever change my life. I know that going to Uganda to volunteer will change my life forever... will I impact a life over there- I hope so, I hope that they will know they are loved- but the biggest thing that will happen will be to me. I will be different, my world view will change. What will it be? I have no idea but I'm resting in the unknown.

So this morning as I drink my Coffee and reflect on the conversation last night,  and rest in the unknown, what I do know is that I have peace, that I believe God is in control and I'm so grateful that He is, because I'm not sure I want to be...  As I contemplate our upcoming Journey and perhaps even the possibility of adoption in the next couple of years,  I rest in the unknown... and what I do know... that every child begins the world again...   This one is for you, those of you who hope to have a child, who have adopted a child, who are having a child, who have had a child, who's friends are having a child, who's friends are adopting a child... hold dear to this belief that every child begins the world again... Rest in the unknown and trust...

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M.

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Thank you :)

M.

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Happy Saturday!

Created to go together or separately :)
Enjoy!

It's Saturday- what an awesome day, it's as though the whole world looks at life a little differently on a Saturday than any other day of the week. It's full of endless possibilities, wide open mental spaces and sheer joy. I love Saturdays. Even though my Hubby and I both work on Saturdays, there is something so inborn in me that I still love them.

When I was growing up, Saturdays were the only 'free' day. Sunday was church, Monday -Friday was school, and every second week on Saturday evenings we had church services with the elderly at the seniors home. We may or may not have races those people to the service taking corners on two wheels in their wheel chairs... they would just laugh and giggle the whole time. Who in their right mind puts eight 12 year olds in charge of going and getting the participants in wheelchairs? Apparently our parents trusted us. side note: In our free time, we would wander around the basement looking for the morgue-morbid, I know. 

But Saturdays... I still love them, I still hold them in a special place in my heart, they are the free day of the week! It's as though they are the day that I can finally cast my cares away, and truly relax... but 1 Peter says that we should be casting our cares away every day, "Cast all of your cares on Him; He cares for you." All of your cares, that includes your Monday woes, your Tuesday cares, your Wednesday stress, your Thursday frustrations and your Friday anxiety - knowing that you start this all over again on Monday.  Cast ALL of your cares on Him. He Cares for you.  This is a reminder that I recite to myself daily, I am living and growing and casting my cares daily, sometimes every moment I am saying this over and over... and then laying down my worries, placing my anxieties, my hurts, my frustrations on Him... because He truly cares for me. 


If something has you down, cast your cares on Him... He truly cares for you.
You are his favourite.

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M.

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Trust.

What is your heart's desire today?
Mine is...

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour
-Hillsong United Lyrics

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M.

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