Cry if I want to. Cry if I want to.
The clock of my life has just ticked another year older. June 1, 11:42am, 1978 I was spewed into the world, if my mother had been a blogger, I'm sure there would have been a very poetic account of my birth, but alas she was not... therefore I was spewed into the world in a pile of goop, and probably poop- if we are being completely honest.
For years now, since I turned 29- my birthdays are somber, a little sad, slightly uneventful (except my 30th, we partied like it was 1978- and it was awesome- I'm a sucker for a good costume/theme party- I love them.)
But in all seriousness, I take (probably) too much time to think about life, what is happening and what isn't happening -that I wish was happening. This year I tried to see things how they are... not how I expected them to be when I was 18. Do you know how much time I've wasted wishing my life away- hoping and praying for things to be different, instead of being grateful for how they are? the lessons I'm learning? and just how blessed I am?
This year was a turn. Did I have a moment of tears, yes... did my Hubby take time to sit with me and discuss it? yessss... but only after he imitated me, being me, having my own little pity party- and then we laughed until my sad tears turned into the tears of joy. (Psalms 30:5b - ...weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning... )
I wish I could see only the positive in life, I wish I could be the person who always sees life from a higher perspective, but sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I throw a pity party for myself. Sometimes I put my feelings above those of other people. Sometimes people make me want to scream- and I love people. I'm starting to believe that seeing the positive in life is a skill that is learned and not something you are born with. A skill that needs to be honed and nurtured, protected and chosen. You can't catch it, like the measles- You've got to pursue it, believe it in, aspire to it, choose it, live it, and give yourself a break when you fail miserably at it.
So this year for my birthday I'm giving myself the gift of grace. I generally hold myself to a higher set of expectations than I hold other people to, but this year, this year is a year of grace. (Not an excuse to be a sloppy human, who does whatever they want, whenever they want and never puts the hearts of others above their own). But instead grace in the truest sense of the word- Grace that excludes merit. The one that I can't earn, even with myself. A grace that isn't deserved, just given.
So here is to a new year, a fresh start, and a year of grace.
Maybe you need to offer yourself some grace... true grace, one you can't earn, maybe you don't deserve, but you need. Make today a fresh start in your life...
I created this print, initially it was only going to say Grace once (in black)... but then I kept adding more, we need so much grace in our lives- many times in a day. So as many times are you read grace on this print, give that to yourself, to your children, to your coworkers, to your hubby, to your friends and to everyone else and then times it by 7.
Share the love, and the grace...
M.
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