Monday.

my incomplete versions of this hummingbird :)                  

Was your Easter Amazing?  Sometimes holidays are hard for me, especially my favourite holidays. I feel the older I get the harder it is to enjoy a holiday, I look forward to it so much, and then it falls flat, it doesn't live up to the expectations I have placed on it.  Easter is one of those holidays. I love the idea of a new beginning, of celebrating the resurrection, of spring in the air... a new dress, something that looks like a breath of fresh air... family photos in the sun, church together... dinner... conversation.  When we were little, Easter always happened at my Grandparent's house, I remember all of us cousins eating in layers sitting up the central stairs of their home, all dressed in our Easter outfits... with a 1 pound chocolate bunny waiting to be eaten. It was loud, still too cold to play outside, filled with smoke, and usually a race of some sort, or a sporting match was on the tv. My Uncles would turn up the volume, my Grandma would come in from the kitchen and turn it down, this was the routine of the day. Sneaking the volume back up, and out She'd come and turn it back down. The kids would just giggle and sit closer to the tv.

My own family is split all over the country, sure, my hubby's family is near, but they don't celebrate Easter and never have. I want so badly to create some traditions of our own, I try, it ends up not happening... No family photos, no new dress... no celebration. One thing that did salvage this Sunday was going out to dinner with a friend of ours, and her whole family- eight of us. It was awesome. Sure, it wasn't my family, but almost. It was probably the highlight of my weekend. Does it make me sad my family is not together on the holidays, yes... but can I go back to being eight years old when the world made sense? no...

Next year, I will have to write down my expectations, and try to create new traditions, and follow through... This past Christmas, I wrote out my expectations of Christmas, (what are you looking for, what is most important, what would you like to happen)... I wrote down exactly what I wanted to happen, I wrote out how I wanted to feel (calmness, joy, reflection), and what was most important (time with our families, a time of relaxation for my hubby, quiet time with my hubby)... and then made it happen, it was wonderful, the only thing we didn't do was our annual puzzle... But I was ok with that - I  had no lingering feelings of unhappiness, of incompleteness. I had no sadness when I went to sleep... I knew that my expectations were clearly written down, and they had happened.

Yesterday,  I was working on my print for today, a stylized humming bird... I see them floating and flitting around, I see them as beautiful and graceful darting about... but what I never see is their little wings flapping at over 50 times per second... I only see the beauty, I don't see the work. I have to remind myself of this when flipping through Instagram during the holidays- I see all of these perfect beautiful families, dressed up in new duds for Easter.... I have to remember that Momma is flapping her wings more than 50 times a second, holding back tears of her own, be it happy or sad, trying to create moments and memories for her family, creating traditions of her own... Her feelings are probably not far from my own...

The amazing thing about Easter, is it's a NEW DAY... a new beginning, a new time of year, filled with Hope, and expectation, and awesomeness... so today as I am up very early typing this... I feel a sense of peace, calmness and hope. Last night, not so much...but today. Yes.

How about you? How do you go through the holidays?
Have you ever written down our expectations? If so, did you find it made a difference?

Share the love,
M.


Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”  -C.G Jung

8.5x11

8.5x11